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Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it's too far to walk!
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What is "out of bounds"?
An exhausted kangaroo!
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Have you ever seen a duchess?
Yes - it's the same as an English "s"!
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What followed the dinosaur?
It's tail!
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Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
They say it blew his cool!
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Would you like a duck egg for tea?
Only if you quack it for me!
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I've got a wonder watch. It only cost fifty cents.
Why is it a wonder watch?
Because every time I look at it I wonder if it is still working!
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How did the telephones get married?
In a double ring ceremony!
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What is a polygon?
A dead parrot!
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Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming pool.
Give him a glass of water!
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Eat up your spinach, it'll put color in your cheeks.
But I don't want green cheeks!
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"Quick, take the wheel", said the nervous driver.
"Why?"
"Because there is a tree coming straight for us!"
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Where does success come before work?
In the dictionary!
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Did you hear about the fool you keeps going around saying "no"?
No. Oh, so it's you!
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I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy!
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What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
Great big ones!
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Who was the world's greatest thief?
Atlas, because he held up the whole world!
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How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
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If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine!
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What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
His nose!
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