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What's a man's idea of helping with house work?
lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
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Category: Male Jokes
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What did God say when he created man?
"I can do better than this".
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Category: Male Jokes
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What's the best way to get a man to do sit ups?
put the remont between their toes.
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Category: Male Jokes
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How do men exercise at the beach?
Everytime they see a bikini, they suck their belly in.
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Category: Male Jokes
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What does a man concider a seven corse meal to be?
A hot dog and a 6 pack.
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Category: Male Jokes
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Why are men like noodles?
they are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they are always in need of dough.
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Category: Male Jokes
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Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
because if the crew gets lost, at least the woman will ask for directions.
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Category: Male Jokes
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How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
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Category: Female Jokes
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How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
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Category: Female Jokes
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How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
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Category: Female Jokes
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How many men does it take to please a woman.
Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.
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Category: Female Jokes
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Category: Female Jokes
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Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
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Category: Female Jokes
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What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A women who won't do what she's told.
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Category: Female Jokes
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Why did the woman cross the road?
That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
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Category: Female Jokes
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What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her where the sun don't shine.
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Category: Female Jokes
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What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
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Category: Female Jokes
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Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
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Category: Female Jokes
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The Ages Of Women
1. Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.
2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.
3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
4. Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
5. After 56 she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn?
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Category: Female Jokes
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A Letter from Men to Women
To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:
The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.
When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.
If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.
I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.
I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
Thank you for your understanding,
From all men.
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Category: Female Jokes
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