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Two men from West Virginia went hunting. They were named Billy and Jimmy. Billy said to Jimmy, "Shoot at any deer that moves."
They both went to different tree stands. Well, Billy forgot his smokes and went to ask Jimmy for a cigarette. When Billy started going over to Jimmy, Jimmy shot him.
Jimmy took him to the hospital and the doctor comes out. Jimmy asks, "Will he be O.K. Doc?"
The doctor said, "Sure, if you hadn't field dressed him in the woods."
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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A redneck was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury box and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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Rednecks Rule Because...
Dinner can always be found on the side of the road.
Their belt buckles are considered valid I.D.!
With a little corn and water they can distill enough moonshine to quench any dry town!
They can spit with absolute accuracy.
Nothing compares to the luxury and freedom of a mobile home.
Bluejeans and a flannel are always considered formal.
At least that rusty Pick-up's bought and paid for.
A mayonnaise jar doubles as a handy thermos.
A baseball cap is considered a fine substitute for combing your hair.
Tractor pulls and auto races serve as a fine meeting place for family reunions
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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A redneck and a Frenchman were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine. The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge. They tied the rope around the Frenchman's neck and said, "Do you have any last words?"
He said, "No."
They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long. He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river.
Then they tied the same rope around the redneck's neck and said, "Do you have any last words to say?"
He said, "Yes, shorten up that rope boys 'cause I can't swim."
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas Buddy."
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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Hang-Gliding
Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge--into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.
Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."
She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!"
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Timbuktu
The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a University of Alabama Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Auburn University in Alabama.
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."
The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu."
The audience went wild! How they wondered could the redneck top that?
The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:
"Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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What't the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
A good ol' boy raises livestock. A redneck gets emotionally involved.
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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Emmy Sue passed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said,
"How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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How do you know when you are staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead".
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of the pickup truck.
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
A documentary.
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?
Two. One to eat and one to watch for traffic.
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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Why did God invent armadillos?
So Texas rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell.
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Where was the toothbrush invented?
Oklahoma. It if was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
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Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40.
He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
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Category: Redneck Jokes
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