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Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?
A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one.
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Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.
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Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.
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Q: Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?
A: It took him four hours to get the bass player out.
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Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The piano player can do that with his left hand.
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The annoying drums
This guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.
This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.
When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."
The manager says, "No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop."
"Why?"
"When drums stop...bass solo begins."
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the bassoon recital.
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Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
A: The bassoon burns longer.
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Q: What is a burning oboe good for?
A: Setting a bassoon on fire.
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Q: Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon?
A: A bassoon; there's more wood!
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Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.
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Q: What are oboes good for?
A: Kindling when burning basoons
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Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.
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Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the cellists.
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Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
A: Write 'pp, espressivo'.
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Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
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Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicap zones.
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Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
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Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.
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Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?
A: You can almost hear them.
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