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Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?
A: You can't!
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Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured?
A: One is far more painful to your ears.
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Q: What's the name of a good English horn player?
A: I'll tell you when I meet one.
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Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he gyrates so much, he'll fall off the ladder.
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Q: Why is wetting your pants like playing an English Horn?
A: Both give you a warm feeling but no one notices.
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Q: What's the definition of a minor second?
A: Two flutes playing a unison.
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Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.
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Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?
A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.
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Q: What is perfect pitch on a flute?
A: When it misses the rim of the toilet as you throw it in.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?
A: A goal post that can't march.
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Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?
A: A goalpost that can\'t march.
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Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.
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Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."
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Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he\'ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.
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Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?
A: Have them miss every other note.
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Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.
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Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: \"Hi. I played that last year.\"
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Q: How do you make him stop playing?
A: Put notes on it!
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Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A: Pick on someone your own size!
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