Love Making Tips - One Line Jokes
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Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.

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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

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English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.

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Feminists are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

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He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.

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Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
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Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.

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I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.

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I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
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I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope.
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I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.

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I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'?
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I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.

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If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?

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If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.
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If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks.
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If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

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In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

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In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!

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