Love Making Tips - One Line Jokes
Miscellaneous Business Marriage You might be a redneck if...  

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To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up.

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This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.

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We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.
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We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
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What's new? Most of my wife.

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
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When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

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Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

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Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

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You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.

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It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.

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He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's what I hated about him.

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If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs.

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The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?

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I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.

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I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

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If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

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If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

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When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too close.

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Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.

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