Jokes
|
info
|
|
It you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
When I was a kid, my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in awhile he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
If you drop your keys into molten lava just let 'em go 'cause, man, they're gone.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He stared telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then the story was over, and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn't too long after all." I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Martha says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Martha. Grow up.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did all the other cues came crashing to the floor. "Sorry," he said with a smile.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Even though he was and enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Most people don\'t realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a dear.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a very beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Too bad there's not such a thing as a golden skunk, because you'd probably be proud to be sprayed by one.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can't remember, all rolled into one big 'thing'. This is truth, to me.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?
Comments
|
Category:
Miscellaneous
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
