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"I went to a massage parlor. It was self service."
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"I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said... Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now."
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"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo."
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\"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code.\"
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\"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying...Caution Wide Load.\"
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"My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker"
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"One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas"
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\"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets.\"
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"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... her mother ripped in two when she had her."
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\"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She uses a septic tank for a toilet.\"
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\"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She was known as a two bagger. That\'s when a girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks\"
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\"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on her legs.\"
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\"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.\"
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\"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.\"
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\"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She looks like she came in second in a hatchet fight!\"
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\"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... The last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.\"
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I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She has a face like a saint--A saint bernard!\"
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"One day...as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy...Hey buddy...why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early."
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"My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah..my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."
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"My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD."
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