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"I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once... Doctor...every morning when I get up and look in the mirror..I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me? He said..I don't know but your eyesight is perfect"
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"I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest."
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"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie."
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"My dentist has bad breath......Why every time he smokes he blows onion rings."
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"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion...he said... Alright...you're ugly too!"
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"I was so ugly...my mother used to feed me with a sling shot!"
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Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
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If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
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If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
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Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
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If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter?
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When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
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Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
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If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
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When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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