Jokes
|
info
|
|
"I'd give a thousand dollars to the man who would worry for me!"
"You're on. Now, where is those thousand dollars?"
"That is your first worry!"
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.
"I know," the employer said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."
"Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake," the worker answered, "but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
We're overpaying him but he's worth it.
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
If a train station is where the train stops and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Why God Never Received Tenure at the University
Because he had only one major publication.
And it was in Hebrew.
And it had no cited references.
And it wasn't published in a refereed journal or even submitted for peer review.
And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
It may be true that he created the world but what has he done since?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate his results.
He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he often punished them, or just deleted them from the sample.
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."
Black employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
They all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
"I'm never going to work for that man again"
"Why, what did he say?"
"You're fired"
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Four-word story of employment: Hired, tired, mired, fired.
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own.
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.
The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.
"I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months."
"Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked.
She responded, "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without."
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.
"Hold it, hold it," the fellow said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the county government," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us, me, Joe and Mike. I dig the hole, Joe sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."
"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Joe is sick, that doesn't mean we can't work, does it?"
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There, on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
A union negotiator broke the silence in the room. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked him.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Summer is the time when it is too hot to do the jobs it was too cold to do in winter.
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
Office Timetable
9:00 Starting time
9:15 Arrive at work
10:00 Coffee break
11:00 Check e-mail
11:30 Prepare for lunch
12:00 Lunch
2:00 Browse the Internet
3:00 Tea break
3:30 Check e-mail again
4:00 Prepare to go home
4:45 Go home
5:00 Finishing Time
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
|
The boss came early in the morning one day and found an employee kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The employee replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
Comments
|
Category:
Relations at work
|
Like this joke? Leave your comment
here
|
