is our situation too big for love? Post a Reply | Views: 386 | Started By: Dvailed | Replies: 4 Let's see if I can make this short....I met a man about a year ago over the phone. We finally met after lots of conversation. I admit that he met for sex, and I was lonely and he filed the void. As time went on, though, things began to change. We were always together and we were both so happy. Eventually, he began to feel suffocated and said some really hurtful things. He started to look for someone else. Here's where I may loose most of you. He is on parole for a crime he committed 14 years ago, and last Jan he went back to prison on a parole violation. Our last conversation before that day was so hurtful. For 5 days I did not know where he was or if he was just ignoring me, but I finally got a phone call from his mom. (He couldn't call me 'cause I only had a cell and could not accept collect calls) He wrote as soon as he could, and of course, things were instantly better. We stuck together for the 4 months that he was in, and then the parole board let him back out. That is when he told me he loved me, and I began to think my world was complete. He has parole restrictions that make it difficult for us to make a relationship work, (I have kids, and he can have limited contact with minors) but I thought we could overcome it all. Then the parol officer told him that I was an unhealthy choice (she thinks we are using each other for sex) She let him know that while she couldn't put him in prison for seeing me, she could put him in prison for making "unhealthy choices." We are now trying to be friends. We do a good job most of the time, but it hurts so bad. Last week he asked if I understood how much it hurts to want someone, and be told that you can't have them. (DUH!!) I try to respect his needs, and he mine. We can compromise, and talk, and "hang out" but I still have such deep feelings for him. A few days ago, he said that he thinks we are in a hopeless situation and that the situation is just bigger that we are. My question....can he be right? Isn't love supposed to get us through this? (He has 3 1/2 more years on parole, and we can't do much until then, but I really want to take things slow anyway. I am just out of a not-so-wonderful relationship, and need time.) Even his mom and I are close, and she tells me that he used to tell her how perfect I was all the time. She even seems a little hurt by the whole thing. Am I supposed to give up now?

Main / Dating Flirting and Romance

I can't tell you what you're "supposed" to do; only you can decide what to do and when. I do encourage you to take care of yourself whatever you decide.For what it's worth, here's how I see your situation:1. It takes more than love to make a good relationship that can survive through the ups and downs, the changes that are sure to come to anyone.2. In order for a relationship to survive, both people have to be working to keep it alive. Since your boyfriend has reached the point of not seeing that as possible for him (my understanding from what you wrote), you are (in my view) already at the end of the relationship because you can't be in a relationship by yourself.3. He is not in the usual situation; there are serious consequences for his continuing with you -- so if you love him, why would you put him at risk? Even if you can't accept the end of the relationship for any other reason, maybe you can accept it for that reason.Never give up on yourself -- take good care of yourself. It's hard to do but worth it. I believe part of taking good care of yourself means getting some emotional support from people who are outside the situation -- friends who aren't also friends of his, a counselor, family members, support groups.I wish you well. Responded: Merry M.   If you really love this guy then what's 3 1/2 years? Besides you said you want to take things slow so here's your chance. Focus on being the best of friends besides best friends make the best lovers in the end. Good Luck. Responded: LilTickles   I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM ,AND IF YOU CANT SEND HIM A LETTER,MY POINT IS TRY TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.DONT LEAVE OUT THAT YOU HAVE STRONG FEELINGS FOR HIM AND IT HURTS YOU( WHEN HE TELLS YOU THAT YOU CAN ONLY BE FRIENDS)IN THE  MEAN TIME IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM WAIT FOR HIM.AND YOU TELL  HIM THAT HE CAN LAST 5 YEARS IN THEIR YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO WAIT.MOST LIKELY HE WOULD SEE YOUR POINT AND LOVE YOU FO THAT.LAST BUT NOT LEAST HE WOULD SEE THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO MAKE PROGRESS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.GOOD LUCK AND HOPE  MY ADVISE WORKS.   Responded: MICHELLE   The key word is LoVe.  So if you really LoVe him then you know what to do Responded: Jasmina