Quote - Aphorism - Proverb
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Calamity, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering.
Category: Adversity Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
Category: Age Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
Category: Alcohol Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
Category: America Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Category: Anger Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
Category: Business Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Commerce, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
Category: Business Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
Category: Childhood Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Category: College Author: Ambrose Bierce
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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
Category: Conformity Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Mammon, n.: The god of the world's leading religion.
Category: Consumerism Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Category: Courage Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Embalm, v.: To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting more than a meagre crew. The modern metallic burial casket is a step in the same direction, and many a dead man who ought now to be ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as a tree, or enriching his table as a bunch of radishes, is doomed to a long inutility. We shall get him after awhile if we are spared, but in the meantime the violet and the rose are languishing for a nibble at his glutaeus maximus.
Category: Death Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
Category: Debt Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Reconsider, v. To seek a justification for a decision already made.
Category: Decisions Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
Category: Dental Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Category: Food Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
Category: Freedom Author: Ambrose Bierce
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The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
Category: Gambling Author: Ambrose Bierce
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Hospitality, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
Category: Guests Author: Ambrose Bierce
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