Humorous Quotations [1] [2]

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.


Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Fred Allen

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Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: H L Mencken

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A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Author Unknown

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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Arthur McBride Bloch

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A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Author Unknown

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If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: John Kenneth Galbraith

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Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Charles Schulz

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All generalizations are bad.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: R H Grenier

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All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Jane Wagner

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The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away.

Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Tom Waits Source: Small Change

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Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Jason Hutchison

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After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
Category: Humorous Quotations

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How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Nigel Rees

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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Elayne Boosler

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Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: George Ade

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If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.
Category: Humorous Quotations Source: Song title

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Man was predestined to have free will.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Hal Lee Luyah

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Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Aldous Huxley

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Murphy was an optimist.
Category: Humorous Quotations

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The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Nicholas Chamfort

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Humorous Quotations [1] [2]
 
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