Insults and Comebacks

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A slander is like a hornet; if you can't kill it dead the first time, better not strike at it.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Henry Wheeler Shaw

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The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.

Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: J Russel Lynes

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I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Groucho Marx

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Coolidge was known for his terse speech and reticence. A woman bet her friend that she could get Coolidge to speak to her, which was something he was reluctant to do. She went up to him and said: "Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me." "You lose," Coolidge replied dryly, and walked away.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Author Unknown

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Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Mark Twain

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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Oscar Wilde

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I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Steven Pearl

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Yes, Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brain. So far you are correct. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat - at least, not with certainty. If the specimen composition you send is about your fair usual average, I should judge that a couple of whales would be all you would want for the present. Not the largest kind, but simply good middling-sized whales.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Mark Twain

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Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Author Unknown

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Her face was her chaperone.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Rupert Hughes

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I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Abe Lemons

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She looks as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Jonathan Swift Source: Polite Conversation

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It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Rose Macaulay

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O, she is the antidote to desire.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: William Congreve Source: Love for Love

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I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
Category: Insults and Comebacks

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She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Oscar Levant

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I wouldn't be surprised if one day Carl's halo slipped and choked him.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Allan Wells

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I could eat alphabet soup and shit better lyrics.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Johnny Mercer

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I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: Charles Baudelaire

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The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
Category: Insults and Comebacks Author: David Gerrold

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