Quote - Aphorism - Proverb
|
info
|
The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. ~
Category: Appearance Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time.
Category: Babies Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history.
Category: Bicycling Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
Category: Drugs Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
Category: Drugs Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
Category: Golf Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
Category: Government Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.
Category: History Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
Category: Holidays Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.
Category: Manners Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
Category: Parenting Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud \"snort\" noises.) I don\'t know why parents don\'t do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you\'re a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won\'t have his friends hanging around your house all the time.
Category: Parenting Author: P J O Rourke
|
0 Give your vote +5
| |
|
comments
|
