Quote - Aphorism - Proverb
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Category: Baseball Author: Woody Allen
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
Category: Basketball Author: Woody Allen
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When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
Category: Dieting Author: Woody Allen
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
Category: Food Author: Woody Allen
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Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Category: Goals Author: Woody Allen
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As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Category: God Author: Woody Allen
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Category: God Author: Woody Allen
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Category: Homosexuality Author: Woody Allen
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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Woody Allen
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Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
Category: Humorous Quotations Author: Woody Allen
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Category: Laughter Author: Woody Allen
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Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
Category: Life Author: Woody Allen
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Category: Money Author: Woody Allen
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
Category: Philosophy Author: Woody Allen
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.
Category: Racism Author: Woody Allen
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Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
Category: Reality Author: Woody Allen
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Category: Sex Author: Woody Allen
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Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.
Category: Sex Author: Woody Allen
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Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
Category: Sex Author: Woody Allen
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it\'s one of the best.
Category: Sex Author: Woody Allen
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